you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
