So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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