How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
