its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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