She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
