Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
