I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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