Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
