I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize