oh god the rape fog is back!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
