You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
