I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
