I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
