i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
