Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
