this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
