Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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