whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
