hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
