I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
