You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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