You're completely useless in the revolution.
kristin has been a bad kristin
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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