I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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