I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
