Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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