was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
