he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
