wanna go halves on a baby?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
