i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
