party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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