the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize