Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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