I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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