Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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