Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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