There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
