I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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