i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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