Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
