Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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