At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
