is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
