love makes seman taste better
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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