i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
