oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
