I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
