I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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