I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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