i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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