I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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