dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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