I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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