She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
should my penis look like a turkey
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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