hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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