We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
