ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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