i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
