I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
