Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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