what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
