im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's shark week go big or go home
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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