im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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