fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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