Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I FOUND THE LEGS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
