guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize