My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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