there's paper in my vomit.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize