Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
