I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
