that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
