Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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