I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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