Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
